Hard Days but Happy Ones

"You never see the hard days in a photo album. But they're what get you from one happy snap shot to the next."

This is one of my favorite quotes, taken from the movie Just Married. And I completely agree with it.

The downside to documenting my life since high school mostly through pictures is that I don't have a good record of all the days in between.

This blog has become one of my main ways of organizing the picture journal of our lives, which has resulted with the common "sugar coating" that a lot of blogs turn out to have, since we usually only take pictures of the fun, positive aspect of our lives.  But the hard days are there too...

Being a new Mom isn't easy.  In fact it's hard.  Sometimes I find myself in the middle if an unnecessary pity party.  There are days when I watch the clock as if I were back in school, waiting for class to be over.  Once 5:30pm rolls around I stop at every creak and squeak I hear, thinking it's the garage door and Jeff is finally home.  Those are the days when Shad has blown out of his diaper and it leaks down his leg and all over both of us and we both have to take a shower, again.  Or when I don't get a chance to go for a walk or jog till it's noon and already 90 degrees outside, at which point I just don't go cause it's too hot.  Or when he takes sporadic 20-30 minute power naps, barely giving me enough time to eat breakfast or take a shower before he's awake and fussing and bored again.  My days, specifically weekdays, just seem to blend together.  Wake up, change a diaper, feed, pump, entertain, repeat.  He's such a curious, active little guy, but is not yet able to do much.  It seems like he gets bored easily, and frustrated because he can't do anything about it.  I can only spend so much time trying to figure out how to entertain him.  I keep thinking it'll be easier when he is able to do more.  But I thought that back when he couldn't use his hands at all or even hold his head up.   

I don't want my days to just blend together.  I want to focus on the positive aspects of each day, however many or few they may be.

Jeff's Aunt Diane's Facebook status yesterday said, "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"  It got me thinking more about what I already know:  I take so much for granted.

I may have a cushy rolly belly I can't seem to get rid of, but that belly was able to grow a big healthy baby.  And should be able to again.

My body may be very out of shape, but it can walk, talk, and breathe on it's own. It can see and hear.  It can even jog and climb stairs, hug my husband and hold my baby.

Feeding and caring for a baby may be time consuming, but that's the whole reason I'm not working.  So I can be here to help him learn and grow, and I wouldn't trade it.  I'd rather be here all day everyday, even if it's hard sometimes.   

We have a lot of stairs in our house, but we have a house! And it's our own, and we have been able to afford the mortgage every month.

I struggle everyday to come up with something for dinner. But every option is available for my family. We don't have Celiac disease or any food allergies.

Jeff sometimes has to work evenings and Saturday's, but he has a decent job in a stable industry in an unstable economy, and it allows me to stay home with our little Shad.

We have two working cars.

We have a growing garden.

We have appliances that all work well at the moment.

We have some family close and some family far, but all together we have a strong support system and relationships we can rely on.

We don't have a lot of close friends that we feel like we can easily spend time with as couples, but the friends we do have are wonderful, and we have close relationships and a lot of good times and memories.

All three of us are healthy and strong with no known health issues.

 
I think sometimes I let thoughts that start with "I'll be happier when..." crowd out more content and grateful thoughts.  On Monday night I wrote these thoughts down to remember, because I didn't want to forget the way I felt:

"Today I took a step back and actually thought to myself for the first time in awhile: I am really happy. Just happy with my life. Maybe it was because I got ready and actually felt like I looked cute, which is not that common these days. Or maybe it's because Jeff and I were awake till almost 2am last night just cuddling and talking and enjoying being close to each other, which we haven't taken the time to do in a awhile.  Tonight we found a package on our doorstep at 9:30pm that we've been waiting for- a new stationary entertainer for Shad. We were so excited we sat on the kitchen floor and put it together then and there, and let Shad go to bed an hour late just so we could watch him enjoy his new toy. As I was getting ready for bed I couldn't help but think about how good I have it- how wonderful my life really is right now.  I have a husband who loves me for who I am, excess baby pooch and all. I have a great family, extended family, and in-laws. We haven't  been directly affected by any natural disasters.  We're healthy, strong, and capable.  And I have the Gospel and light of Christ in my life.  I'm a lucky girl."

To help me stay out of the monotonous pity-party rut, I'm want to try and do something meaningful every day.  Whether it's doing something for myself that will make me feel good or productive, like mowing the lawn, doing a few scrapbook pages, or even putting make-up on in the morning, or doing something for Shad, like purposefully  trying to get him to laugh or singing or reading to him.  I spend all day every day with him but I often feel like I'm just going through the motions.  Hopefully making this a focus will help remind me on a daily basis to be more grateful and stay out of that rut!


Case in point:
It may have taken me four+ hours to get this post written because of all the breaks I had to take in caring for Shad, but I have a beautiful, healthy, strong young son that I love unconditionally and I wouldn't trade him for anything!